HOSPICE AND GRIEF

On this page, Sylvia and I will do our best to provide information for the "Griever" as well as those who may find themselves communicating with a person in this state.

Sylvia and I spent 3-weeks in hospice and, as of this writing, have now spent more than 228-weeks temporarily separated. During all this Time, Sylvia and I have been put-through a lot of "society" and "bureaucratic" trauma. I still consider myself "in Mourning".

  • Note: I'm not asking anyone to believe anything I state. You must do your own research and personal "Heart Center" evaluation. All Sylvia and I are doing here is speaking OUR Truth, through OUR "rose-colored glasses". We do ask that you keep an open mind and think about the ideas presented.

The following is what we've "gone through", "learned" and "are still dealing with". We're putting all of this information "out there" hoping to help others in a similar situation…
During our 3-weeks in hospice, I used Sylvia's computer to write about what was happening to us each day. Someone encouraged me to place those eMails in a book. So I did.
Keep in mind that this is real… as it happened to "us". It's not a beginning, middle, end "story", like you'd normally read in a "book" or see in a "movie". Although this book describes how I nuzzled my face next to Sylvia's, for 3-hours after she crossed and how the hospice-Chaplain threw me out 2-days later, just for returning to their facility, this particular book would probably only interest someone who is studying "hospice" or writing a book or movie on the process of "crossing-over" .

The Griever

  • I'm going to say… The main thing is for you to "be yourself". However, if you're Grieving, you aren't going to know who YOU are for quite a while… and that's fine. If you need to cry, then cry. It's ok. If someone near you doesn't understand, it's usually because they don't know you situation. If you need to just… SCREAM! go ahead and do it. Keep in mind that you might want to get into your car or sound-isolating room when you do. Plus this might "scare" or "concern" some people… and could cause a few dogs to start barking. I'm only saying to "be aware" but don't "over-think" it. Just be yourself.

  • If you're tired of explaning your situation to everyone you meet, you might want to write-out a brief note that you can simply show to someone. At least so they'll know you're not intentionally being rude when you don't "look at" or "speak" to them.

  • If you want to talk to your Loved One, just do it. If you know your Loved One is right there with you, it's ok to integrate this new way of communicating with them into your new "existence". NOTE: Some people will tell you this is not "healthy" and you need to "integrate back into society", etc. Just be sure you realize that your Loved One IS with you but "physically" still on the other side of the "Veil" right now and that no one but YOU can "see" or "hear" them. It would be wise to keep "your world" and "society's world" separate… and switch between them when needed. I talk to Sylvia all the time, throughout the day but when I have to interact with someone, I know the difference in what's happening and I instantly switch from "me and Sylvia mode" to "society mode". This is very important for you to understand.

  • Since YOU might know that your Loved One is right there next to you, when you talk "to" or "about" them it's ok to say "we" "she is" or "he is", etc… keeing the conversation and storyline in the "Now". Remember, their "physical" aspect remained here but it's their "Soul" that is now on the other side of the "Veil". Jut as there's a person who drives a car, the "personality", "way of doing things", etc. stays with the "Soul". They currently have different surroundings and are interacting with different people but what makes that person unique is still a part of them.

  • Grieving for your Loved One is a deeply personal process, which ONLY YOU can "define" and "deal with". (The correct term is "deal with" and not "work through". This is because "work through" implies that you will "happily integrate with society 1 day and your Loved One will be forgotten". This is not going to happen. YOU will NEVER forget your Loved One.)

  • Remembering your Loved One is both a "Blessing" and a "Curse". Most of the people I spoke with about this told me they immediately removed most of their Loved Ones' clothes and other personal items soon after they "crossed". For "me", I left everything just the way Sylvia left it. It's comforting to see her clothes, notes, etc. AND it helps "me" feel like nothing has changed and that she's simply "visiting her Mom", who crossed-over several years before. It also feels as though not very much "Time" has lapsed since she "crossed".

  • If you need a simple understanding of how others deal with "Grief" or if you need that comforting support, provided by others in the same situation, then look-into a "Grief Counseler" or "Grief Support Group". Hospice, churches and hospitals can be a good starting place.

  • If you or someone you know is in the "hospice stage" with their Loved One, here's something "I" discovered, which may be helpful… Keep a Facecloth or other small towel with you all the time. Then, when "anger", "frustration" or that bottled-up "chaotic energy" starts to bubble-over, take it out on that towel. You can wring-it or try to tear it apart and if you need to throw something, throwing this small towel won't hurt anyone.

  • I keep track of the amount of Time since Sylvia has "crossed" by a "Weeks" measurement. Why?… because I don't like to think of her being gone for "Years" and even though "Months" would have been a smaller number, somehow, I just started with "Weeks" and continue with that.

  • "IF" someone needs to cross-over, remember, it's THEIR Life-Path… THEY will pick the "illness" or "method" (the "excuse") for leaving and THEY will pick the "Timing" or WHEN they will actually "cross". I KNOW My Sylvia chose to leave because of "cancer". I know this because: 1- We were never sick. 2- I actually cured her cancer but… 3- she "had" to leave. When I asked her "why" said told me: "Higher Purpose". I couldn't argue with that. So she made me stop giving her the barley grass powder and high-alkaline water. Because of the way all this unfolded, and because of what Sylvia and I had talked about, many times, I know that if she didn't cross-over from "cancer", it would have been from something else.

Society

  • When speaking directly with a "Griever", the best thing you can do is "Listen". If they cry, it's important for them to continue speaking, if they want to, so be patient.

  • NEVER say: "So when do you think you'll start dating again?" (You will "may" be "physically" or "verbally" injured, if you do.)

  • NEVER say: "Your Loved One is never coming back." (There's a good chance there will be a path of chaos and destruction, once the smoke clears. Hopefull, you won't be in YOUR home or business when this happens.)

  • NEVER say: "Oh, in 6-months (1-year, 10-years or 100-years) you'll get over it. You'll see. (Their anger may reach the surface before their crying sets in.)

  • Everyone who HEAVILY "Grieves" about their Loved One, processes those energies differently. Regarding "dating" or any type of "social interaction", 1 aspect that "I" stick to is… If "I" do it, I'm giving Sylvia permission to also do it.

  • Always "respect" and "speak highly of" a Griever's Loved One. The Griever will not speak badly of them. If they're doing a lot of crying or withdrawing from society then they're feeling the "separation" between them. If the Griever does speak badly of their Loved One, remember, it's THEIR energy. They may beat themselves up later for even thinking those things but you should never feed that fire.

  • If a Griever and the person who crossed-over are extremely close in "Love" and "Life", their pain can be way beyond anything they have ever experienced. (I'm crying just thinking about how to write this…) During our 3-weeks in hospice and the 1st 6-months or so, the pain I experienced was sometimes more than I could bear. I described it as a Spear thrust into my Heart and going so deep that it actually pieced my very Soul. When these pains hit me they were accompanied by a suffocating blanket of energy which wrapped itself instantly and thightly around me. I couldn't get out of it. I had to just ride it out. Later, I realized that I needed to calm myself down but, during those times, my mind was so filled with "chaos" / "indecision" that I just could not think about anything except that PAIN!

  • A person who is Grieving will "integrate back into society" in their own Time and in their own way. NEVER force them to "snap out of it".

  • NEVER try to manipulate a Griever back into "business as usual". They may not be clear-thinking right now, and seem a bit slow to make decisions, but as Time moves on, they will realize what you tried to get them to do… AND with the help of their Loved One, who has a perspective from the other side of the "Veil", the Greiver may surprise you, in the long term, by the adjustments they make to their life.

  • When speaking with a Griever, you may sometimes feel as though you need to "walk on eggshells". However, the state of a Griever's mind is not what it was before the crossing of their Loved One. So, although it's a good idea to carefully select your words, anything, words, actions, smells, sounds, can cause a Griever to have an instant "Meltdown" — heavy and uncontrollable crying. Basically, just be respectful, helpful and considerate.

  • In "my" case, 1 reason why I don't talk to too many people and why I don't interact with "society" any more than I have to is because I'm doing my best to keep my "energies", "memories" and "mindset" in-tact and all-inclusive with Sylvia. Basically, I'm in this Dimension but I'm not playing the "Game" any more than I have to. It's very important that I stay bonded to My Sylvia on all levels. (I'm mentioning this in case you know of someone who's Love One has crossed-over and seems to "shut-down" after speaking with people.)